How did this happen?? I am quite perplexed. But the symptoms don't lie and the test was confirmed yesterday. I have malaria parasites running around in my blood again. God, you know I miss Africa...but maybe not this much! I think I could do without the fevers, nausea, headaches. I feel like I should be in Tchad, lying out on my mat, my African family all laughing about me living up to my name "La malade" (the sick one).
One thing I do miss is that when I had malaria in Africa, I still continued to work at the hospital as much as I was capable. Still helped people. It made the focus on them instead of me. Here, everyone is freaking out, trying to get me into the hospital. I appreciate the concern. It is so nice to know people care. But I really wish I could change the focus that is on me. It makes me feel so sorry for myself, thinking about how I'm getting so behind in classes, feeling awful,.... How do I explain that I really just want to go do a surgery on someone right now. I want to go hand out quinine to the other 20 people at the hospital that have malaria with me. There were those moments where I'd watch a kid take his last breath and realize that he just died from the same disease that was raging through my body at the same moment. But that made me realize how my life is totally God's. If he was still giving me life, than he has a purpose for me. Am I continuing to look for and follow that purpose? Maybe this malaria bout is a good reminder.
God, I am yours.
