Friday, October 23, 2009

MISSION: Pumpkin Pie

I have always had a desire to make a pumpkin pie from scratch. From a really wonderful regular orange pumpkin. I don't think Arthur was as excited about it, but being as amazing as he is, he took on the challenge with me.

First lesson learned in the process...There is a difference between a regular pumpkin and a pie pumpkin. We got very acquainted with the local produce stand by the time we had finally acquired everything needed.

The initial excitement...

But that started to dwindle after
separating the seeds
burning the hands
remembering that we needed a pie crust for a pie
lots of unhealthy ingredients added
getting sick of the color orange
it took hours...

But such fun hours! I'm glad we are both so optimistic. A comment starting with "Oh dear..." or "We forgot..." would just end with gales of laughter. Then the delightful end! Mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Makes me think about relationships.
The initial excitement and delight just knowing each other. Exuberantly happy, starry-eyed, little kid on tip-toes looking at a candy jar kind of excitement.

Then time continues and there are little changes. You forget the need to be courteous about everything, it feels just normal to be together, and perhaps even gets to challenges and disagreements.

But time continues still and you learn to appreciate the whole experience as your relationship becomes mature. And even laugh at the mistakes.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Beginning Again

It is time to rebirth this blog, for multiple reasons.

1) I feel the urge to just write
2) Give my parents another way to know that I'm alive across the miles besides having to join facebook :)
3) To recognize the amazing little things that happen throughout my days that I don't take the time to notice
4) In writing, scattered, fragmented thoughts become whole
5) I am inspired and refreshed whenever I read Sonya or Emily's blogs or one of the multiple friends out as SMs. So perhaps that inspiration that I gain from them will pass on to someone else as I explore the fullness of life in and around me.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009


How did this happen?? I am quite perplexed. But the symptoms don't lie and the test was confirmed yesterday. I have malaria parasites running around in my blood again. God, you know I miss Africa...but maybe not this much! I think I could do without the fevers, nausea, headaches. I feel like I should be in Tchad, lying out on my mat, my African family all laughing about me living up to my name "La malade" (the sick one).

One thing I do miss is that when I had malaria in Africa, I still continued to work at the hospital as much as I was capable. Still helped people. It made the focus on them instead of me. Here, everyone is freaking out, trying to get me into the hospital. I appreciate the concern. It is so nice to know people care. But I really wish I could change the focus that is on me. It makes me feel so sorry for myself, thinking about how I'm getting so behind in classes, feeling awful,.... How do I explain that I really just want to go do a surgery on someone right now. I want to go hand out quinine to the other 20 people at the hospital that have malaria with me. There were those moments where I'd watch a kid take his last breath and realize that he just died from the same disease that was raging through my body at the same moment. But that made me realize how my life is totally God's. If he was still giving me life, than he has a purpose for me. Am I continuing to look for and follow that purpose? Maybe this malaria bout is a good reminder.

God, I am yours.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Frustrations, Africa, thoughts...

This week has been one of the most much has seemed to go is wearing me out, my car broke down, and I want more sleep!!! This morning, I was at the point of running in a hole to hide from any contact with the world (there are no mountains to run to in Nebraska, so I'm stuck with holes). I realized that I was desperately needing a mind shift -- so I took a class period today to talk with God and remember amazing things He has done. Automatically my thoughts turned to Africa as they often do, and it didn't take very long for me to get to the point of "God. You've done so much in my life. Why do I ever even doubt?" Everything that has happened this week seems so small now in comparison to the things I faced in Africa. I was just realizing that I haven't really been sick since before Christmas! Three months being healthy?! That was unheard of last year, when I counted myself blessed to go maybe two weeks without being ravaged by another bout of malaria or some other parasitic disease.

I can also see how living back in the States, being in college, has changed my thinking so much more inward instead of outward. Everything I'm worried about and frustrated with has to do with myself. I remember when all my worries were consumed with my patients, the people around me...when did that change?

My thoughts today have come to, "we are not of this world" therefore, why do I even worry about things in this world. They are nothing. This morning I listened to the song "I will lift my eyes" by Bebo Norman that we used to play over and over in Africa. Such good thoughts.

God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now
God, be near, calm my fear
And take my doubt

Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can't climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

Just the thought I need to hold onto right now,

I will lift my eyes to my Maker...