This week has been one of the most frustrating...so much has seemed to go wrong...college is wearing me out, my car broke down, and I want more sleep!!! This morning, I was at the point of running in a hole to hide from any contact with the world (there are no mountains to run to in Nebraska, so I'm stuck with holes). I realized that I was desperately needing a mind shift -- so I took a class period today to talk with God and remember amazing things He has done. Automatically my thoughts turned to Africa as they often do, and it didn't take very long for me to get to the point of "God. You've done so much in my life. Why do I ever even doubt?" Everything that has happened this week seems so small now in comparison to the things I faced in Africa. I was just realizing that I haven't really been sick since before Christmas! Three months being healthy?! That was unheard of last year, when I counted myself blessed to go maybe two weeks without being ravaged by another bout of malaria or some other parasitic disease.
I can also see how living back in the States, being in college, has changed my thinking so much more inward instead of outward. Everything I'm worried about and frustrated with has to do with myself. I remember when all my worries were consumed with my patients, the people around me...when did that change?
My thoughts today have come to, "we are not of this world" therefore, why do I even worry about things in this world. They are nothing. This morning I listened to the song "I will lift my eyes" by Bebo Norman that we used to play over and over in Africa. Such good thoughts.
God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now
God, be near, calm my fear
And take my doubt
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in
I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can't climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You
Just the thought I need to hold onto right now,
I will lift my eyes to my Maker...
