Yay!! My passport has returned to me with my Philippines visa! Only three more weeks until I roll out of Knoxville onto the open road!
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Storms
“I can hear your whisper and distant mutter. I can smell your damp on the breeze and in the sky I see the halo of your violence. Storm I know you are coming.” ― Robert Fanney
Hmm...I absolutely LOVE storms. I hurried home from work this evening, listening to the weather warning overtake the radio with its familiar beeping tones and monotone voice, "Weather reports indicate a strong thunderstorm approaching Oak Ridge and West Knoxville. Seek cover immediately..." I ran up the stairs to my apartment and threw open our sliding glass doors onto the porch, ready to drink in the storm in all its fullness.
I am fascinated watching the weather pattern, taking note of the different wind directions, assessing the quick cloud formations....in my next life I would be a meteorologist. And an astronaut. And an explorer. Such big displays of our world and universe make me shiver with excitement.
“It’s not a bad lesson to learn in the bleaker months: how you view a storm is a question of perspective; provided you find the right rock to watch it from, it could be the most incredible thing you’ll ever witness.” ― Dan Stevens
I am fascinated watching the weather pattern, taking note of the different wind directions, assessing the quick cloud formations....in my next life I would be a meteorologist. And an astronaut. And an explorer. Such big displays of our world and universe make me shiver with excitement.
“It’s not a bad lesson to learn in the bleaker months: how you view a storm is a question of perspective; provided you find the right rock to watch it from, it could be the most incredible thing you’ll ever witness.” ― Dan Stevens
Friday, June 7, 2013
CAREFUL: Single Woman Traveling Alone
6:30 am
I board the greyhound bus and quickly find a seat next to the window. As the bus fills up, a man takes the seat next to me. He is Hispanic, middle-aged, with a gold chain around his neck. Out of the corner of my eye I assess him....looks harmless enough with one arm in a cast.
The bus heads out of the station onto I-40 towards Nashville and I find myself having an argument in my head. I want to connect with my seat partner. I want to say something to break the awkward silence of riding next to each other for 3 hours. But maybe he doesn't want to talk. And I'm fighting all the advice about traveling: "Don't talk to strangers. Don't put yourself at risk. Be safe." Especially as I feel like I have the words "Single Young Woman Traveling Alone," plastered across my forehead. That is the one deal-breaker that I get warned about all the time.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I push those boundaries of "be safe." But I'm also a shy person. That's pretty much fact. I sit back and feel more comfortable having people approach and talk to me first. But if I compare my shyness to back in elementary school, high school, or even the first few years of college -- I can see my progression to becoming more and more willing to break that outer shell and approach people.
Alas, I succumb to social norms and hunker down in my seat, making sure to give Mr. gold chain his bubble of space that is expected in Western countries. Halfway through our trip, the bus makes a stop to pick up more passengers. Most people leave the bus to walk around and run into the gas station convenience store. I decide to just keep my seat. Soon we're off again, Mr. gold chain sits down and we continue on our silent way. Suddenly, though, he turns to me and offers me some gum that he had just bought. Not just one, but TWO pieces, because "them things are just too small to give enough chew." I accept the gum and suddenly the social wall is broken! We chat about where we're heading, about the Oklahoma tornadoes near his destination, about my experience responding to the Alabama tornado in 2011... Kudos to Mr. gold chain for breaching the wall!!
Later, as I debark the bus, I'm determined to not wait for the other person to break the silence next time. So many connections that never happen because of the walls I put up.
It's true that there are probably sketchy people out there...like the bus driver who was singing in whispers over the bus intercom (maybe more odd than sketchy). But does that make them any less of a person to talk to and be worth connecting with? Why let fear dictate what we do?
So I've spent all day in Nashville putting this thought on trial today and how FUN it has been! Definitely got me out of my comfort zone a bit. I exited the greyhound station in an interesting area of Nashville...took off on foot through the thunderstorm dropping elephant raindrops on me, chatted with some construction workers who pointed me in the direction of downtown and coffeeshops. Had a great time wandering the streets and seeing what it was like to smile ear-to-ear at everyone I passed instead of the usual, avoidance look down. Entered the Doubletree hotel and wandered their nice lounges and pretending like I had a room there -- ran into another hotel "poser" and we had a great time exploring the ballrooms together. Chatted for a while with a policeman on where I needed to catch the public bus to the airport. And just finished a delightful conversation with an elderly lady at the airport who was selling hats. I told her about my future travels to the Philippines as a missionary and she promptly took a rubber bracelet off her wrist that states, "I AM SECOND," telling me that it would be a good reminder for me to have with me over there.
I board the greyhound bus and quickly find a seat next to the window. As the bus fills up, a man takes the seat next to me. He is Hispanic, middle-aged, with a gold chain around his neck. Out of the corner of my eye I assess him....looks harmless enough with one arm in a cast.
The bus heads out of the station onto I-40 towards Nashville and I find myself having an argument in my head. I want to connect with my seat partner. I want to say something to break the awkward silence of riding next to each other for 3 hours. But maybe he doesn't want to talk. And I'm fighting all the advice about traveling: "Don't talk to strangers. Don't put yourself at risk. Be safe." Especially as I feel like I have the words "Single Young Woman Traveling Alone," plastered across my forehead. That is the one deal-breaker that I get warned about all the time.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I push those boundaries of "be safe." But I'm also a shy person. That's pretty much fact. I sit back and feel more comfortable having people approach and talk to me first. But if I compare my shyness to back in elementary school, high school, or even the first few years of college -- I can see my progression to becoming more and more willing to break that outer shell and approach people.
Alas, I succumb to social norms and hunker down in my seat, making sure to give Mr. gold chain his bubble of space that is expected in Western countries. Halfway through our trip, the bus makes a stop to pick up more passengers. Most people leave the bus to walk around and run into the gas station convenience store. I decide to just keep my seat. Soon we're off again, Mr. gold chain sits down and we continue on our silent way. Suddenly, though, he turns to me and offers me some gum that he had just bought. Not just one, but TWO pieces, because "them things are just too small to give enough chew." I accept the gum and suddenly the social wall is broken! We chat about where we're heading, about the Oklahoma tornadoes near his destination, about my experience responding to the Alabama tornado in 2011... Kudos to Mr. gold chain for breaching the wall!!
Later, as I debark the bus, I'm determined to not wait for the other person to break the silence next time. So many connections that never happen because of the walls I put up.
It's true that there are probably sketchy people out there...like the bus driver who was singing in whispers over the bus intercom (maybe more odd than sketchy). But does that make them any less of a person to talk to and be worth connecting with? Why let fear dictate what we do?
So I've spent all day in Nashville putting this thought on trial today and how FUN it has been! Definitely got me out of my comfort zone a bit. I exited the greyhound station in an interesting area of Nashville...took off on foot through the thunderstorm dropping elephant raindrops on me, chatted with some construction workers who pointed me in the direction of downtown and coffeeshops. Had a great time wandering the streets and seeing what it was like to smile ear-to-ear at everyone I passed instead of the usual, avoidance look down. Entered the Doubletree hotel and wandered their nice lounges and pretending like I had a room there -- ran into another hotel "poser" and we had a great time exploring the ballrooms together. Chatted for a while with a policeman on where I needed to catch the public bus to the airport. And just finished a delightful conversation with an elderly lady at the airport who was selling hats. I told her about my future travels to the Philippines as a missionary and she promptly took a rubber bracelet off her wrist that states, "I AM SECOND," telling me that it would be a good reminder for me to have with me over there.
“Do stuff. be clenched, curious. Not waiting for inspiration's shove or society's kiss on your forehead. Pay attention. It's all about paying attention. attention is vitality. It connects you with others. It makes you eager. stay eager.” ― Susan Sontag
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Dwindling Time
Today the new July schedule came out at work. After July 3 there is a sad face by my name and "resigned" crossing out the rest of the month. It's official! They just hired a replacement for me that I will help orient the week before I leave. It is kind of bittersweet to think of leaving. I keep feeling like it is ALL coming too soon! On the other side of things, I can hardly wait to arrive on the other side of the Pacific!
Many times I have thought back to when I decided to take the job here at the hospital in the NICU, wondering if it was the best choice. I already had another job lined up that would pay over double what they were offering me here.Although finances have definitely been tight for me over the last couple of years, I've always concluded that it was a good choice. I have gained gobs of experience here that will help my midwife career. Recently I was looking through one of my new textbooks about assessing newborns. There was a section of pictures that showed rare disorders and as I skimmed through it, I realized that I've seen most all the disorders while working here in the neonatal unit.
So, yes, the experience and things I've seen and observed here will be helpful. But right now, I'm a bit resenting the financial restrictions as I look into the equipment I still have to buy and tuition that needs to paid by the 1st of August!
If any of my blog readers are interested in helping out with specific needs I have (yes that's YOU :) I'm listing equipment below that I still need to acquire. If you want to help, you can donate by going to the tab at the top of my blog and then let me know what you are wanting to help with....tuition, specific medical equipment, health insurance costs, monthly living fund, etc. You can see the breakdown of these costs on my first fundraising post *HERE* The independent side of me doesn't like to ask for help, but reality is that I know I can't do it alone. Thank you dear friends!!!
Fetoscope $13
http://www.1cascade.com/ProductInfo.aspx?productid=2055
Many times I have thought back to when I decided to take the job here at the hospital in the NICU, wondering if it was the best choice. I already had another job lined up that would pay over double what they were offering me here.Although finances have definitely been tight for me over the last couple of years, I've always concluded that it was a good choice. I have gained gobs of experience here that will help my midwife career. Recently I was looking through one of my new textbooks about assessing newborns. There was a section of pictures that showed rare disorders and as I skimmed through it, I realized that I've seen most all the disorders while working here in the neonatal unit.
So, yes, the experience and things I've seen and observed here will be helpful. But right now, I'm a bit resenting the financial restrictions as I look into the equipment I still have to buy and tuition that needs to paid by the 1st of August!
If any of my blog readers are interested in helping out with specific needs I have (yes that's YOU :) I'm listing equipment below that I still need to acquire. If you want to help, you can donate by going to the tab at the top of my blog and then let me know what you are wanting to help with....tuition, specific medical equipment, health insurance costs, monthly living fund, etc. You can see the breakdown of these costs on my first fundraising post *HERE* The independent side of me doesn't like to ask for help, but reality is that I know I can't do it alone. Thank you dear friends!!!
Fetoscope $13
http://www.1cascade.com/ProductInfo.aspx?productid=2055
Fetal Doppler $470
Infant Stethascope $85.98
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Missions
Reflecting this evening on missions and the path before me...
This first quote by Amy Carmichael, missionary to India, spoke deeply to me. I have fallen into this mindset before...
“If I make much of anything appointed, magnify it secretly to myself or insidiously to others; if I let them think it “hard,” if I look back longingly upon what used to be, and linger among the byways of memory, so that my power to help is weakened, then I know nothing of Calvary love.”
― Amy Carmichael
And some more... No need to rephrase in my own words; hear it straight from the mouths of those who have experienced.
"Somewhere along the way we have subtly and tragically taken the costly command of Christ to go, baptize, and teach all nations and mutated it into a comfortable call for Christians to come, be baptized, and listen in one location." –– David Platt
"Sympathy is no substitute for action." ― David Livingstone
"There is no neutral ground in the universe. Every square inch, every split second, is claimed by God and counterclaimed by Satan." ― C.S. Lewis
"Unless there is the element of extreme risk in our exploits for God, there is no need for faith." ― Hudson Taylor
"I have but one candle of life to burn, and I would rather burn it in a land filled with darkness than in a land flooded with lights." ― Ion Keith-Falconer
"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." ― Jim Elliot
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Road Trips and Risk
“The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.” – St. Augustine
My roommate and I are heading out on a road trip to the West coast, leaving the 4th of July. How great that we leave on Independence Day! The two of us and my cat, independently striking out in my Subaru. We have a tentative plan on where we want to go....
View Larger Map
Wow! Sometimes I forget how far east I live. The total miles without any extra little trips is 4,136. So excited! I have been through much of this area before, but it will be new for my roommate and the Grand Canyon and Yosemite will be a first for me as well. Can hardly wait to watch the sun bleed down over the canyon walls.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain
My favorite phrase from that quote is "sail away from the safe harbor." I have so many discussions with co-workers on being safe. They hold back from doing so many things because of fear and concern that it just isn't safe enough. I'm always saying, "stop living in fear!" They think I'm so unsafe in everything I do -- sports, traveling overseas alone, hitchhiking, hanging out in the woods and mountains, and even being too honest and assertive in my job. And maybe I'm a bit in the crazy zone with what I'm willing to do, but I really believe that holding back from all risk doesn't do much to grow you and challenge you.
“Adventure is a path. Real adventure – self-determined, self-motivated, often risky – forces you to have firsthand encounters with the world. The world the way it is, not the way you imagine it. Your body will collide with the earth and you will bear witness. In this way you will be compelled to grapple with the limitless kindness and bottomless cruelty of humankind – and perhaps realize that you yourself are capable of both. This will change you. Nothing will ever again be black-and-white.” – Mark Jenkins
So yes, I like to travel the more unconventional way of finding a good corn field to pull my sleeping bag out next to. And take showers by finding a cold creek or lake on the side of the road.
And I kind of enjoy the adventurous things that can happen on a road trip like getting lost, dealing with a flat tire, running out of gas....those times always make for the best stories later on and relationships are formed with the most unlikely people :) They also usually teach me so much more about life and molding my character to be more relaxed, flexible, and ready for whatever gets thrown my way. You can tackle anything with positivity.
My roommate and I are heading out on a road trip to the West coast, leaving the 4th of July. How great that we leave on Independence Day! The two of us and my cat, independently striking out in my Subaru. We have a tentative plan on where we want to go....
View Larger Map
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain
My favorite phrase from that quote is "sail away from the safe harbor." I have so many discussions with co-workers on being safe. They hold back from doing so many things because of fear and concern that it just isn't safe enough. I'm always saying, "stop living in fear!" They think I'm so unsafe in everything I do -- sports, traveling overseas alone, hitchhiking, hanging out in the woods and mountains, and even being too honest and assertive in my job. And maybe I'm a bit in the crazy zone with what I'm willing to do, but I really believe that holding back from all risk doesn't do much to grow you and challenge you.
“Adventure is a path. Real adventure – self-determined, self-motivated, often risky – forces you to have firsthand encounters with the world. The world the way it is, not the way you imagine it. Your body will collide with the earth and you will bear witness. In this way you will be compelled to grapple with the limitless kindness and bottomless cruelty of humankind – and perhaps realize that you yourself are capable of both. This will change you. Nothing will ever again be black-and-white.” – Mark Jenkins
So yes, I like to travel the more unconventional way of finding a good corn field to pull my sleeping bag out next to. And take showers by finding a cold creek or lake on the side of the road.
And I kind of enjoy the adventurous things that can happen on a road trip like getting lost, dealing with a flat tire, running out of gas....those times always make for the best stories later on and relationships are formed with the most unlikely people :) They also usually teach me so much more about life and molding my character to be more relaxed, flexible, and ready for whatever gets thrown my way. You can tackle anything with positivity.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Josiah
I was very sad to hear about the death of my friend Josiah last Friday evening. My brother and I grew up in St. Helens with Josiah and his brother, doing fun activities like camping and backpacking with our dads, running around in Pathfinders together (I remember Josiah standing behind me during drill marches and always pulling my braids :), riding our bikes to the park or riverfront, and spending some high school years together at Milo.
Here's a few pictures my dad shared with me from some of our backpacking trips. I was used to roughing it around with my brother's friends and remember being surprised the first time Josiah came with us, as he would take the time to help me over logs and hold branches back for me :) So thoughtful!
Here's a few pictures my dad shared with me from some of our backpacking trips. I was used to roughing it around with my brother's friends and remember being surprised the first time Josiah came with us, as he would take the time to help me over logs and hold branches back for me :) So thoughtful!
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| Josiah, Matt, Me, Nate, and Laura -- Haha! We were so cool at that age :) |
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| Laura, Josiah, Nate, Matt, Me, and Rei -- We had a great time sliding down snow on this trip! |
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| Nate, Matt, and Josiah -- With Mt. Hood in the background |
You will be missed Josiah, by me and many others!
Sunday, May 5, 2013
International Day of the Midwife
Yes it is Cinco de Mayo today...
Wow. That is definitely something to aspire to. It's not just about skills -- it is about selflessness and nonjudgmental love for every woman in our care.
And it is also International Day of the Midwife!
So this post is for all the midwives out there...in Africa, Asia, the Americas, Europe, Australia, and maybe there's even some on Antarctica from time to time :)
There is so much to be done globally to improve on maternity services and give women the choice of a safe birth and healthy baby.
This post is also for the 13 lovely ladies that I will be traveling to the Philippines with soon, all midwives-to-be.
Here's a great article I read recently by Dr. Aviva Romm on "How Being a Midwife Made Me a Better Doctor"
She writes:
"To be a midwife requires one to step outside of the confines of self and selfishness. To be awake and present and loving and creative and generous and trans-personally connected even when we would rather be in the comfort of our own beds, deep in our own private dreams. It requires one to become truly present with those in our care."
"It means letting the fears, dreads, concerns, worries of another wash over you and allows you to take all of these and spin them into a neat ball of confidence, courage, and grace that you hand back to the woman – and remind her that this was hers all along. And it is having a strong enough sense of self that we take no credit for the success of those we’ve midwifed – we are happy to be the invisible wind beneath their wings."
Wow. That is definitely something to aspire to. It's not just about skills -- it is about selflessness and nonjudgmental love for every woman in our care.
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